There’s been a lot of postings on social media lately about people in our lives who may be toxic, liars, evil people that we need to rid ourselves of, clear out of our lives, take the ‘garbage out’ persay. It has made me think a lot about those people in my life who I may feel that way about at times, those people who really grate on my nerves, people who are constantly hurting my feelings, and bring more angst than joy! I’ve also been thinking about the possibility that others may think about me that way sometimes! I think it has brought some good deep thought provoking questions to mind and caused me to do a little soul searching! What if you were asked to think about this…
What if those people we want to call liars aren’t really liars at all. I’m not talking about those people who lie about every little thing like where they ate for lunch or what kind of car they drove as a kid (some people are just so insecure with themselves they want to bend the truth hoping they’ll be accepted… they kind of are liars)! I’m talking about the person who grates on our nerves, the one we feel is always out to get us, hurt us, doesn’t accept us! Consider for one minute that maybe, just maybe, they are truly not the vindictive person that we want to believe that they are! That they really are not people who have it out to be nasty, rude, unreasonable, or whatever else we may want to say they are to purposely hurt us! What if those people, or that one person, that we are convinced twists the truth, adds false details to the story, or claims they never did or said what we are positive they said or did aren’t really purposefully doing any of those things?
What if, due to our own experiences, beliefs, insecurities, feelings, fears, or habits; we see things a certain way when someone else may see the very same situation very differently? What if we hear someone say something in a tone that we are certain is rude, nasty, or condescending but the person that said it never intended for it to sound any such way! Consider that maybe they were so worried the whole time they were talking that what they were saying would be taken wrong, because it has so many times in the past, that it came out in a tone that they never truly meant to show? Or what if, because of our own defensiveness, fears, experiences, etc., we hear things a certain way simply because we have conditioned ourselves to believe that someone feels a certain way toward us, we WANT to hear things a certain way (then we have ammunition don’t we), we believe that we deserve to be treated cruelly by that person, or we completely miss someone’s true intention due to our own ‘issues’?
What do we do when someone misjudges US, misinterprets what we say, how we say it, or what we meant by it? Do we want to be given the benefit of the doubt? Do we want to be snapped back at and yelled at and told that we ALWAYS do ‘this’ or ‘that’? Did we intend to cause an argument? Or would we rather be heard for our true selves and have people ask what we meant, be given the opportunity to explain ourselves, or simply be given the benefit of the doubt even at times we can’t explain ourselves… simply because we’re human and the majority of us are not ill-intentioned people setting out to harm someone else, especially someone we love!
Or, are we in such denial that we believe that this never happens when we speak to someone, ask a question, share our ideas, beliefs, experiences, have an argument, or whatever? We are sadly mistaken if we believe that other people do this ‘to us’ on purpose, and we ‘never’ cause that person, or anyone else, to feel the same way at times! What if sometimes, people think the very same thing about us and what we say or how we say it? What if we stop and think about how it would feel to have someone truly, truly believe that WE were twisting the truth, adding false details, or (absolutely in their minds) remember, and believe that we said something that we swear we didn’t say, and nothing you could say or do would convince them that it just didn’t happen that way, that you honestly didn’t mean what they thought you meant? Wouldn’t you feel horrible? Would you feel hopeless and helpless in that situation, not knowing what to do to change it or make it better? Is it so far-fetched to believe that in our humanness, people could look at us and feel the very same way, feel that we are liars, and that we are vindictive and always trying to hurt them when, in reality, we’re honestly not doing any of those things, not on purpose anyways?
If we want people to give us the benefit of the doubt, treat us in a loving manner, not accuse us of doing or saying or thinking or acting in a way that is hurtful to them, then we must give others the same respect! We cannot expect to be given the benefit of the doubt if we are not willing to extend the same grace! We are all human, we all have issues, and we all have life experiences, beliefs, insecurities, fears, etc. that cause us to act and behave in a certain way! When someone acts out of the heart of their humanness… it’s not always about us!!! And those people, or that person, we like to call a liar, might not be a liar after all… not any more than we are anyways!!!
Matthew 12:34b – 35 – For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things.
What is in our own hearts, what we feel, think, fear, believe is what we speak… not what someone else feels, thinks, fears, or believes. I was told recently by someone whom I highly respect, that this passage means that everything that comes from our mouths is about us… not anyone else! When we choose to say something nasty to someone we love, write or post something condescending on our social media accounts, talk about someone behind their back, etc.… it is a reflection of US… OUR ‘issues’, OUR insecurities, OUR ‘problems’… it really has nothing to do with the other person! Which is also true when someone hurts us by their words or actions… it’s not about us! We all need to look in the mirror from time to time! So, quit taking everything so personally! Remember, we’re ALL humans and we ALL make mistakes, not one of us is perfect!! So, lets practice forgiveness and quit lying to ourselves trying to convince ourselves that we’re never a part of the problem and take responsibility for our own actions… and quit trying to take responsibility for everyone else’s!!!
disastrouslyredeemed 
[…] A thought about liars… Jun […]
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