disastrouslyredeemed

The things I have done that have made me an asshole…

1. Loved my children deep and have done everything I could do to be a mother my kids could be proud of, to raise them to be good humans, and to be self sufficient all the while learning, growing, and trying to become a woman who I could feel the same way about! 
2. Done anything I could to help my family through any difficult time they have faced, to be an encouragement, a place of safety, a place of love and comfort to the point that maybe at times my own bucket was empty… including my parents, my family,  nieces and nephews, my friends, my kids friends, etc.
3. Went through nursing school with 5 children and quit my 14 year long stay at home mom run to better MYSELF, and my future knowing my children would grow up one day and at that time I would have THIS life, the one where I had to find my own fulfillment, my own happiness, and I could not always rely on having children to take care of and to mask my own self.
4. Furthered my education in order to be able to be in a position to help people: to guide them to better health, to encourage people of ALL race, gender, sexuality, age, size, or anything else you can throw in there to be the healthiest, physically, mentally, and emotionally that they can be… to learn to be content in THEIR own skin… I have tirelessly spent hours with patients when they have needed me the most!
5. Treated people with respect and kindness EVEN when they were making decisions I may not have agreed with and even when I was not receiving the same in return, this even includes my children… I have CHOSEN to love them for all of the wonderful things they are, not the few things I may disagree with. And at times I have NOT shown respect – I’m human.
6. Hold the door open for people.
7. Keep my opinions to myself 99.9% of the time.
8. Accepted people for who they are knowing we are all different and all have our own issues, concerns, worries, fears, hopes, and dreams… 
9. Put the HARD, HARD work into myself with years of therapy, counseling, journaling, praying, meditating and anything else I could have thought to do to BETTER myself. To HEAL from my wounds or my brokenness from childhood, teenage years, young adulthood, into later adulthood, or just from being a human in a broken world period! To be better tomorrow than I was yesterday! To learn to love and accept people who are different from me! To learn that people react due to their own hurt and brokenness and it is a reflection of themselves (not another) and nothing else! These things I’ve had to fight to learn for myself so I could be the person I could be proud of, comfortable in my own skin, someone who could be looked up to (not idolized), and someone who could guide someone who was just like I once was years ago – insecure, defeated, sad, discouraged, afraid, and unfulfilled (yes, I’ve been there)! Am I there? Am I perfect? Have I achieved all the greatest things? Hell no… but I keep putting in the work, are you?
10. I don’t always put the grocery cart back in the corral.
11. I have horrible road rage and say ungodly things to people when I am in my car.
12. As a woman who is a wife, mother, daughter, friend, etc… we are ALWAYS judged. We make mistakes raising our children, we’re judged whether we have children, we’re judged whether we work or we don’t work, we’re judged on how we pack our damn kids school lunches, we let our own issues influence how we respond to and treat our significant others, we’re not always fair, we’re sometimes selfish but even more selfless, we don’t always look a certain way, we don’t make everyone happy, and we have to somehow learn to hold our head up high and learn to love who we are in a world that often hates us, and on top of that try to raise sons and daughters who don’t feel the same way!
13. Voted!

Just a few thoughts I’ve had that I assume MOST people could look at and place themselves in these scenarios, soften your hearts people, look a little deeper into someone’s heart… it is NOT ok to behave the way I have continuously seen people behave, whether you’re hurt or not, my heart has been shattered this week for so many reasons and it’s disheartening to see to say the least!
You DO NOT get to decide what kind of person I am!

It is not ok to base an entire persons worth or value on a choice they made or assume you know where their heart is based on something that is a God given right, we are ALL more than a ballot. Now we move forward to create a country and world that has value, love, and compassion, because I believe we all want that!

♥️♥️♥️

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