So, I’m sitting here tonight thinking of all of the “things” I tell people! The things I say to be encouraging, the things I say I am (or rather want to be), the kind of mother I am, the kind of wife I am, the kind of friend I am, the things that I WANT to believe are true (but sometimes struggle with doubt). And as much as it all sounds fabulous in my mind and as it comes out of my mouth and travels to someone else’s ears, it’s so much easier said than done!
Women are very good at having opinions! And we are exceptional at sharing those opinions! But for some reason… they only apply to OTHER women (or men in some cases)! I often wonder why it is so easy to see the ‘right’ way to do things, feel about things, react to things, when it’s NOT me! But I throw myself into the mix, and all of those opinions… well, then they just don’t sound so smart, easy, or even possible to put in to practice anymore. Basically, they don’t stand a chance!
I tend to expect everyone else to so easily be able to feel a certain way, react to difficulty a certain way, or even think a certain way… but yet, I, myself, just can’t seem to do it! And when others have those opinions about ME… oh boy, you better watch yourself! Because I don’t know about you, but I myself CERTAINLY do NOT need someone else telling me how to think, feel, act, react, or deal with a situation, especially when I emotionally strained and drained! I got this! But really, NO, I don’t got this!
I am a pro at putting this scenario into practice! I can look at someone else’s struggles, mistakes, and ‘issues’ and have ALL the answers. I can tell you why your kids don’t listen. I can tell you why you’re not happy in your marriage. I can tell you why that friendship is falling apart. I can even tell you how to deal with that one person in your life that causes you all sorts of frustration due to their huge desire for drama or consistent negativity!
I may be able to tell you all of those things, and honestly it may actually be a very good place to start in helping to guide you into a healthier frame of mind about a situation (or to help you change) or it may not. It may even be a very accurate ‘opinion’ of YOUR problems, or it may not! But the truth is… I. KNOW. NOTHING! I am a fraud! I can have the best, wisest, most mature, Godly advice, and I may even believe it wholeheartedly… but for some reason, I just canNOT seem to listen to my own words, I just canNOT change! Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just hard! It’s so hard to change who we are! To change our way of thinking, the way we view life, the way we view others, and how we function within ourselves.
Over the past few years I have been on a mission to change who I am, because honestly, I often hate who that is! I don’t understand why I want the things I want when I probably will never get them, I mean wouldn’t it just be so much easier if I could just NOT want those things anymore? I don’t understand why I’m so overly emotional about things that don’t seem to bother other women, wouldn’t it be so much easier if I could just no longer let those things bother me? And, I don’t understand how I can love the Lord, want to have peace and joy in my life, live faithfully for Jesus, and love others but yet I still can be so judge-mental towards their choices, I still struggle with selfishness, and I still make so many mistakes (on a daily basis), wouldn’t it just be so much easier if I could just be the person I want to be, always?
One thing that I have learned during this ‘changing me’ journey (that MOST of the time I forget) is that I don’t have to be the one to ‘change me’! What, you ask? Nope! I don’t have to, because if I allow Him to, the Lord will do the changing IN me! Romans 12:2 says, “Do not copy the behaviors and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect His will really is” (NLT).
What a RELIEF!!! I don’t necessarily have to do all of the changing, I just have to keep my eyes on Jesus, and in time, he will change and transform my heart. A few years ago, when I was going through some very difficult times emotionally, I made this ‘my verse’, my mantra, my words to live by. I copied it onto a note on my phone so I could read it anytime I needed reminding that God will do the work if I am just willing to listen and let Him. I memorized it to chant to myself over and over again during times of deep distress! And WOW, what an impact it made on my life, what a sense of peace I did acquire during those difficult times, just by taking the time to remember that the Lord is in control and CAN do the changing!
Now, I’m not going to lie and say that I’ve completely changed and that I don’t ever get frustrated, or even angry, when I don’t get the things I want, cry about everything (still), and continue to sin… day, after day, after day, after day – EVEN when I don’t WANT to! But as I sit here, right now, I am reminded that if I keep my eyes on the Lord, he WILL create in me a clean heart, a desire to do the right thing, the wisdom and discernment I need to know how to act and react to those sticky situations, and, most importantly, to trust and have faith that HE is in control! I am reminded that He can (and will) change me. Once again, I am going to pull that note up on my phone as a reminder of all of these things! And hey, I may even add a few more just for extra encouragement! You with me? Are you willing to open up your heart and let the Lord change you?
Philippians 2:13 – For God is working in you, giving you the desire to obey him and the power to do what pleases Him (NLT).
Psalms 51:10 – Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me (NIV).
Matthew 7:7-8 – Keep on asking, and you will be given what you ask for. Keep on looking, and you will find. Keep on knocking and the door will be opened. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And the door is opened to everyone who knocks (NLT).
James 1:5 – If you need wisdom, if you want to know what God wants you to do, ask Him, and he will gladly tell you (NLT).
Philippians 3:12-13 – I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection! But I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ Jesus saved me for and wants me to be. No, dear friends, I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead (NLT).
disastrouslyredeemed 
Love this post. Sounds to me like your exactly where your supposed to be! Ha! Not that I know where anyone is supposed to be! The big achievement is not to be perfect, but rather knowing your not, knowing you’ll never ever ever be up to YOUR own standards, but also being able to realize that in truley knowing your imperfections- that is what makes you perfect to HIM. Good point, we are such frauds, believing we arent perfect-because we actually are in His eyes, because we are so imperfect to ourselves. Remember, no one can judge YOU like you judge YOU, if they did-you’d NEVER speak to them again. Not sure if this makes sense, but food for thought! Lol 🙂
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