Have you ever had a break down over the silliest things? I’ll be the first to admit that I have… several times! Maybe it starts when things seem to begin unraveling first thing in the morning. Or maybe it’s just one single incident that irks you. Or maybe your hormonal, I never liked when people say “hormonal” like it’s a bad thing. Like us women have anything to do with either; when our hormones rage, or even when they seem under control packaged up in their neat, little, pretty box deep inside the recesses of our hearts. Oh, why can’t they just stay there?
It’s funny how things can seem to be coasting throughout the day just fine. Dentist… check, cleaning… check… homework… check!!! Then… Dinner! I don’t know about you but dinner seems to be my nemesis. It seems like in this house we eat the same things over and over and over. When I try to make something different, it either turns out barely edible or you can probably hear the complaints and moans from unimpressed children on the other side of the block. And I’m not even a bad cook… usually!!!
As I sat on the couch today trying to decide what on earth I was going to make for dinner, since I didn’t have many choices, I became more and more annoyed. Then… people kept talking. I mean, the same people that I love more than anything, the same people I share this house with every day and wouldn’t change it for the world, they just… kept… talking… annoyance quickly turned into irritation. I had to escape, if even just for five minutes.
I curled up on top of my bed, falling into my big, soft, fluffy pillows and ever so slightly, tears began to fall. My husband came and sat down just to see what was wrong and try to be supportive. God I love that man. And he didn’t even have to ask, him sitting there was an open invitation to let it all out. The irritation that I had allowed to build up (really only over an hour or so) came flooding out like a tsunami. “My kids hate me! They always tell me I’m mean! I hate making dinner! No one ever wants what I make! We have no food in the house (to which my ever loving husband replied – we have a lot of chicken!)” Before I knew it I was laughing because I knew how silly I sounded. My last tear filled complaint (yes, I can laugh and cry at the same time… can’t most women?) was, “and I can’t even find the perfect shade of lipstick!” He had no idea where that came from or what that was all about. I don’t blame him for sometimes thinking I’ve completely lost my mind.
I have kind of been on a lipstick binge lately and can’t help but be drawn to the cosmetic isle to grab a new balm, gloss, pencil, or stick every time I’m at a store. I keep looking for the perfect shade. That brilliant color that will just look amazing on me, match my every outfit and every shade of eyeshadow, and make me feel beautiful. After ten trips to my local Target, I’m beginning to think that shade of lipstick just doesn’t exist.
What are you looking for throughout your day to fill you up? Is it that you wish your family would eat every meal you make without complaint? Children that effortlessly do their homework and that are nice to you and one another all the time? Is it a husband that always understands you and knows what to say? Or maybe that perfect shade of red?
Maybe sometimes we don’t realize that we’re looking in all the wrong places. Jesus is right there, all the time, even in our fits of irrationality. He is the only one (or thing) that can completely fill us up. Psalm 121:1 says – I lift my eyes to the mountains – where does my help come from? I will do my best to continue to remember to always look to him… even when I can’t find that ever elusive shade of lipstick!
disastrouslyredeemed 
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