disastrouslyredeemed

Have you ever had a break down over the silliest things? I’ll be the first to admit that I have… several times! Maybe it starts when things seem to begin unraveling first thing in the morning. Or maybe it’s just one single incident that irks you. Or maybe your hormonal, I never liked when people say “hormonal” like it’s a bad thing. Like us women have anything to do with either; when our hormones rage, or even when they seem under control packaged up in their neat, little, pretty box deep inside the recesses of our hearts. Oh, why can’t they just stay there?

It’s funny how things can seem to be coasting throughout the day just fine. Dentist… check, cleaning… check… homework… check!!! Then… Dinner! I don’t know about you but dinner seems to be my nemesis. It seems like in this house we eat the same things over and over and over. When I try to make something different, it either turns out barely edible or you can probably hear the complaints and moans from unimpressed children on the other side of the block. And I’m not even a bad cook… usually!!!

As I sat on the couch today trying to decide what on earth I was going to make for dinner, since I didn’t have many choices, I became more and more annoyed. Then… people kept talking. I mean, the same people that I love more than anything, the same people I share this house with every day and wouldn’t change it for the world, they just… kept… talking… annoyance quickly turned into irritation. I had to escape, if even just for five minutes.

I curled up on top of my bed, falling into my big, soft, fluffy pillows and ever so slightly, tears began to fall. My husband came and sat down just to see what was wrong and try to be supportive. God I love that man. And he didn’t even have to ask, him sitting there was an open invitation to let it all out. The irritation that I had allowed to build up (really only over an hour or so) came flooding out like a tsunami. “My kids hate me! They always tell me I’m mean! I hate making dinner! No one ever wants what I make! We have no food in the house (to which my ever loving husband replied – we have a lot of chicken!)” Before I knew it I was laughing because I knew how silly I sounded. My last tear filled complaint (yes, I can laugh and cry at the same time… can’t most women?) was, “and I can’t even find the perfect shade of lipstick!” He had no idea where that came from or what that was all about. I don’t blame him for sometimes thinking I’ve completely lost my mind.

I have kind of been on a lipstick binge lately and can’t help but be drawn to the cosmetic isle to grab a new balm, gloss, pencil, or stick every time I’m at a store. I keep looking for the perfect shade. That brilliant color that will just look amazing on me, match my every outfit and every shade of eyeshadow, and make me feel beautiful. After ten trips to my local Target, I’m beginning to think that shade of lipstick just doesn’t exist.

What are you looking for throughout your day to fill you up? Is it that you wish your family would eat every meal you make without complaint? Children that effortlessly do their homework and that are nice to you and one another all the time? Is it a husband that always understands you and knows what to say? Or maybe that perfect shade of red?

Maybe sometimes we don’t realize that we’re looking in all the wrong places. Jesus is right there, all the time, even in our fits of irrationality. He is the only one (or thing) that can completely fill us up. Psalm 121:1 says – I lift my eyes to the mountains – where does my help come from? I will do my best to continue to remember to always look to him… even when I can’t find that ever elusive shade of lipstick!

I have spent the majority of my adult life depressed. Now this is not to say that I have walked through life aimlessly with no direction, no happiness or joy, and appeared miserable to the world. But I have done all of those things more than I’d like to admit. I, like most women, have had many thoughts running rampant in my brain, that lead to all sorts of different feelings, which finally affect my emotions. This mix of thoughts, feelings, and emotions are what lead to the things in my life that I consider disastrous.

I have this wonderful skill of making up stories in my mind of why everyone else is the way they are, why they say the things they say, even why they act the way they act. It somehow always involves me being at the root of the problem. If someone lacks compassion or seems aloof to my feeling’s, then there must really be something wrong with me. If someone is short with me, then I must just be a horrible person that no one cares about. Lastly, if someone doesn’t do the things that I wanted them to do, then they must not really love me after all. Sound familiar? This is when a good friend of mine would say, “It’s not all about you!”

Well, I am learning that these are just thoughts, they do not determine truth, but truth should determine our thoughts. The bible tells us in 2 Corinthians 10:5 to take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ (New International Version). Take those negative thoughts and do not let them affect how you feel. Jesus does not want us to spend our time thinking negatively about ourselves. The Lord created us exactly how he wanted us to be. Wouldn’t it be sinful to say he didn’t do a good enough job just because WE think there is something wrong with us?

It is a process for sure, to change the cycle of negative thinking, so start small. Think of just one or two thoughts that you have that seem to creep into your mind when you’re feeling down, stressed, or insecure. Just one or two thoughts, that is all, and think of a bible verse to counter those thoughts. Write it on a notecard or a message on your phone to refer to whenever you need a reminder. What would you say to your friend, daughter, or sister if she had that same thought? Chances are you would tell her that she’s being ridiculous and it is just not true. That she’s perfect just the way she is and that you love her. Start saying those things to yourself.

We’re going to kick those negative thoughts to the curb together (even if there is only one of you reading this). It is possible to be free from those things that overwhelm our minds and we can create new habits to help us to succeed and thrive on God’s word. I’m praying for you all.

Prayer: Dear Lord, I pray that you will come together with all those women out there, including me, that allow negative thoughts to affect our feelings. Help us to discover your truth and give us the strength we need to stand up to Satan’s lies and say,” those things are just not true.” Remind us daily of the love you have for each and every one of us. Thank you and in Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.

Take some time and look at some of these verses (NIV), they might help you get started….

Jeremiah 17:9 – The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?

Proverbs 4:23 – Watch over your heart with all diligence. For from it flow the springs of life.

John 10:10 – The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Philippians 4:8 – Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.

I have had this blog name picked out for quite some time now, for when I would eventually start writing. When I read the definitions for: disastrous – accompanied by or causing distress or disaster, very unfortunate, calamitous; and redeemed – to free from captivity by payment of ransom, to serve as compensation for or to make up for, to buy back, to release from blame or debt; forgive, it seems so clear to me. These two words perfectly describe who I am.

To say my life is disastrous is a bit of an exaggeration. It’s not so much my life – but the thoughts, actions, feelings, and behaviors that I far too often have that are disastrous, that tend to lead to more disaster; hence comes the word disastrously. I don’t think that I have had any more struggles in my life than the average woman. I also do not claim to have had worse experiences than any of you. However, I have often been paralyzed by heartbreak, fear, depression, insecurity, anger, sadness, and well…… probably any other emotion you could think of. And those things my dear friend, are disastrous.

As for being redeemed, that is another story. That is an amazing, wonderful, extraordinary, and undeserved story; far from disastrous. The Lord has set me free. He has paid my ransom. His perfect life made up for MY sins, MY mistakes, and MY imperfect life. He bought me back from death with the price of His blood. I have been forgiven and I am free of blame, guilt, and shame. This was not deserved or given to me by anything that I have done. I did not earn this by doing anything special or worthy in His eyes. This is His free gift of grace simply because He loves me. How awesome is that?

That is how the name Disastrously Redeemed came to be! In two simple words, this describes who I am and what I am. I am redeemed, I am His. For this I will forever be grateful and although I will continue to sometimes make a disaster out of things, I know that His love and His blood has redeemed my soul. I am Disastrously Redeemed!